Sunday, 11 May 2014

chastity.. what it means to me

120 days without sex. Woah!! I have only ever been without for 30 days previously, so times that by 4 and you have 120 days! I am so freaking horny >.<

120 days ago, I made a decision. A decision that my body would be for my Masters use only. I have been His for 203 days now. And the entire time He has owned my mind and my body. But I was allowed to have sex with others if He granted permission to do so. And then I decided one day after a few months as my Masters slave, that I no longer desired to be with anyone other than Him. That to me was a true act of submission.

Such a strange feeling for me. And yes I have came oh so close to having sex many times in the past 120days! Lol. I have literally been in tears at times, so sexually frustrated. We must not forget that on top of no sex I am also under orgasm control :O No orgasms without permission..

Something about the idea of someone knowing every orgasm I have, every time I touch myself. Owning every second of my pleasure. That is so very fucking hot.

I have always been turned on by chastity belts. Something about being so so horny, but unable to cum. Unable to touch yourself. Even as male slaves, unable to get hard locked in their belt.. bursting out the sides, pre cum dripping.

There is also something about the idea of playing virgin that is hot to me. Or cos play as a nun perhaps. I like role play and cos play a lot.. And to be so tight from not having sex, these are two role plays that are a definite turn on. Such a naughty girl I am ;P

I'm so excited for when my Master and I get to choose my belt. I want one for long term wear. I want to be locked in it as much as possible. I like the idea of being made to attach dildos and plugs. Locked up and impaled at the same time. A constant, arousing, filling reminder of the slave that I am.

To begin with on my chastity journey, a belt would have been too much for me. The thought that I couldn't touch myself, have sex, cum.. that was already driving me crazy with arousal! But to literally not be able to touch myself. To feel the presence of the belt, reminding me of my chastity. I fear that might have completely drivin me insane. Although I do find staright jackets kinky also :P so perhaps that might not be so bad..

Why would I want to deny myself of such pleasures is what you might be wondering. But unless you are a fellow slave you may find it hard to understand. Being denied is what turns me on even more. To feel myself so wet, but there is nothing I can do about it. Dreaming of all the naughty things I wanna do. I get pleasure from my denial. And I get pleasure from the fact that I can please my Master in such a way.

Being locked in a belt is something that makes me feel safe as well. And a constant reminder that I am His. Close to and protected by my Master. In the same way as wearing a collar or a cuff. Or being locked in a cage.
Something that I have learned so far as a submissive is how being enslaved is what truly frees me. And that was something very strange to begin with. How is it that being locked up, under control, makes me feel so free? It was such a bizarre thought.

So many things I have learnt about myself so far on this submissives journey. I am so thankful for my Master and all He does for me.

He knows what I want. He knows what I need. He knows my desires like no one ever has before.

 I love that I am in chastity. I feel satisfied in a way I never thought possible. And when I get extra horny I get extra kinky. And that's never a bad thing ;) so many naughty adventures ahead! Oh oh..


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